husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

And there, the answer is clear: you have to go. I may have missed a comment already saying this, but looking for a way to put the husband in the best possible light, does he work in a field that never had business travel? Im wondering if perhaps your husband doesnt have the life experience of travelling to big cities and realizing that all of them are much different than portrayed in the media? Nothing magical about Vegas. But my wife really worded it in a way to get the Im a crazy jealous husband. I find this so interesting. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. Its OK to not be 100% available to handle his feelings 100% of the time! Plan and reminisce together to create shared anticipation beforehand and shared . The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. They dont have to go out of town to do it. Same here. He cant expect his partner to sacrifice herself to the whims of his anxiety. Agreeded theres some heavy selection bias in that sample. I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. Ifso, then wewould say that your husband has some personal issues that need toberesolved before hecan fully open and welcome you asapart ofhis family. Im going to a conference there in November for in-depth training on our electronic medical records system (not exactly a party subject! They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! Either hes got anxiety driving him to act out this way, which can be addressed with talk therapy to learn new coping mechanisms (also, medication is an excellent tool that could help) or, he feels threatened by your success in business and is seeking to sabotage you to keep you in your place. I like having the house to myself for a weekend. I hope they can find a solution. She Won't Tell Her Husband the Gender of Their Baby Because He Refused Try to stop expecting reasonable behaviour from your spouse when hes in this anxious state. Im so sorry, Emma. Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. When my spouse was almost sent overseas on a long term work trip, I actually offered to go with him (and pay my own way) not because I was worried hed get up to something without being supervised, but because I travel frequently for work and he almost never does, so it seemed like the easiest way for me to just take care of stuff so that he wasnt stranded in a foreign airport without knowing what to do or how to make a phone call. I dont think thats something you really need to dive into OP (since thats not the real issue here), but I thought Id mention it to say that youre not the one thats offbase here. Im sure he must have good qualities, but this isnt one of them. Why would a husband not want to go anywhere with his wife? When I was fretting over whether to pursue a fantastic opportunity that would require a good amount of travel, he told me, Youve worked too hard to get where you are to not take ANY opportunity you want to take. And he means it. On a larger scale, I see a couple of concerning things here. I was thinking the same thing. Its not just a place to go party. Spouses dont LET. Just in case. A pregnant woman recently asked the internet for advice after her husband refused to attend any of their doctor appointments. Until I heard the week after that everyone was kept so busy that they really didnt have time or energy to do any of the fun stuff. You would have to go out of your way to find a casino, a lavish bar with topless entertainment, or an escort service. Marriage counseling is the only way you save this. What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? Without any business context then yeah, lots of people would object to that. Sometimes together (we work for the same agency), but mostly separate. Vegas has more hotel rooms than any other city in America, and regular flights to an airport located in the city from every other major city in the country. Dont get hit by a car!! In fact, it has been a trying fifteen . Kidnappings, someone spiking your drink, etc. He is asking the wrong people. Agreed! Right!? This is so far outside of normal that if I were in your shoes OP, I would be socking money away so that I could leave him, unless theres something youre not telling us that could possibly justify how he treats you. Him: Something something shes just got cold feet about the upcoming wedding. You can drink and dance and play roulette in 43 of the 50 states. My feeling is that hes coming up with post-facto, emotionally triggering justifications for something that has absolutely no basis in any rational apprehension of reality. I loved the weird, entertaining shows on the street, the warm evenings, the bustle and cheer. I have anxiety, and so does my husband and this isnt really an anxiety reaction, but a control issue. OP will just run herself ragged reinforcing his fears. Shes too fair to be naked out in that desert sun.. Nothing to do with trust, we just wouldnt want Vegas tarnished by work! Does he not control other things about your life OP? And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip?? So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. Yes. Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. You are married to someone who spent three days while you were traveling for work burdening you withgroundless questions about your conduct. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. Business trips for him are salt in a wound, Im guessing. Did he not get the memo thats not how dating works. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Obviously when I say five hours it would be added time for stopping. The worrying about her cheating leads me to consider there might be a problem with control/abuse, possibly. Yes, this. Not a single word uttered). Its probably rooted in a sexist view and I dont know who hes talking to everyone objects to their partners going because thats insane. This sounds like a difficult situation, so do whats best for you. Ithewhat??? He can express an opinion at most. Are we sure that survey actually happened? I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! He thinks it's going to be too difficult. Its a him issue. I dont worry about it because why would i? I do have anxiety and PTSD from my days in the army. Captain Awkward is amazing when answering questions about control, manipulation, and gaslighting. A 14 hour road trip is long enough, but it's going to be way longer than that with a 3 month old. Yeah, my cousin isnt allowed to travel without her husband. its really funny, because Vegas has lately been billed as a great place to go for a family vacation! Be direct, and even brutally honest: Im not having this conversation (& hang up); Im not doing this again (& walk away); Im not changing my mind; Im not negotiating Im giving you the facts Basically, lots of Im not/I cant/I wont statements that are all about you and your limits. The touristy gloss. She is bottle fed and was at that time, too, so if your LO is EBF, I'd say add more time. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. Best of luck to you. And the issue was never me, or our marriage or anything like that, it was entirely a him problem, his anxiety and fear due to an accident we had Christmas eve one year. Living with someone like this for the rest of your life sounds like a real misery. Is it possible that the way OPs husband expressed this question to his friends was leading? My husband has cheerfully seen me off to conferences in Vegas, Austin, Reno, San Diego, Milwaukee, and other cities. This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you won't complain: "My husband never wants to do anything with me.". Ive been to far more dangerous places. Me too!.which is probably why Im not married ;). He just says everybody so that it will give weight to his selfish wants. Also, they have very little money, so we are . So yeah somethings just not right. I have horrible anxiety. Conversely I dont think Ive ever paid less than $200/night for a business-class hotel in NYC, Austin, LA, etc. The timelines even fit perfectly. This is great, Anon Poster. Ive felt less safe in a couple of places in my own city. Ive also recently spent a weekend away with a close friend at a lake for a swimming event, and numerous overnight trips to see my family or friends in other parts of the country. Ill willingly concede that deglove describes something altogether horrible, but deplane is an idiotic, unnecessary, invented word. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. I have to remind myself of that sometimes; I think you should remind yourself that too. Ive been to Vegas a couple of times and saw a ton of business conferences and expos going on. Yup, wholeheartedly agree. Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down. No, youre absolutely right. My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. If the OP is part of running the conference/event, yep, theyll be lucky to find the time for 8 hours sleep each night. Hed probably drive her nuts the entire trip monitoring when she comes and goes, trying to veto business dinners with her colleagues, calling her if shes a minute later than she said shed beAnd if youre working the conference, its exhausting and theres not really a lot of time to explore. Agreed. I never said anything about kiddnaping I had 3 seperate friends get sexually assaulted there. I agree with your husband .. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. I am actually going there next week. One day was outside. Lastly, there are some religious communities where it would be fairly normal for the husband not to let the wife travel, and for worries about infidelity to be one of the main reasons why. Its not really a fun place to go for work. but it was the backbone of learning to manage anxiety. But a positive first encounter with a therapist can change that, because, you know, therapists are trained to defuse and help unpack their misconceptions. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. Him: I ignored it. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Based on the way anxiety distorts reality and actual risk, I could easily not allow my children to participate in things or have small measures of independence. Couples counseling has given us a neutral forum to figure out how to face it together, to help me express how his behavior effects me and our family, and for me to learn how to support him. I might go if it were for a show I wanted to see that I couldnt attend anywhere else, or if I had to go for work. You can use this space to go into a little more detail about your company. I think youre going to get a lot of pile on against your husband here I do hope you feel supported and not overwhelmed. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. Its like a bachelor/bachelorette people think they have a free pass because of the occasion and act way more out of line than they would at, say, a bridal shower. I think some boundaries are needed here. Its actually better that way now for example, its now possible to eat a meal without hearing about keno. If he gets therapy and can get his anxiety and toxic masculinity under control, that would be one thing. Good luck, Emma. It gives him something else to focus on, so he isnt sitting on the couch by himself, watching TV and brewing in anxiety. At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight.

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