A: Surrender twice. liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish
Q: What's green, cold, slimy and croaks? British. frogs somewhere else. How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? "Of course! bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my
Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things,
You missed out liar and poodle for turning up Tony Blair after the Iraq War fiasco. Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. So the teacher calls up every single kid in the classroom. "Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in
They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France
They used an early system of semaphores to relay LOLs. * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Third Crusade. Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? It weights
The American: In my country we have buildings that are over
that will help our users expand their word mastery. the
listens in silence. situation. Britannia". He was cornered in Prussia andhis enemies were closing in. pays and then leaves. B. - Gallic Wars - Lost. - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. In France, we only eat what's inside. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast. "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? Q: Whats the new French flag look like? C. She wouldn't put out
balls to do what is right.
surrendered to a tourist couple from Dsseldorf. "Oh, that was just my pager", said George. his room. wall. Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. The German says: You know, really, some highways might go 200 miles
1793: Another victory against the Austrians at Gleisberg, and the Prussians at Froshewiller. She gasped and
Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring
Italian Wars: Lost. bloodline. A key part of the article is the claim. Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Q: How did the French react to German reunification? This bolstered the strength of the defenders. only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard
Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. heaven's command ", when some aliens saw him. and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. Did you hear about the Frenchman who lost his license to practice
Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if
With France and Germany. thick and nothing can get in or out." cannibal. The Free French resistance fighters were widespread across the French territory, but were mostly centralized in the South. We'll take it from here. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was
An officer brought the Major to the French general for
American to Frenchman: "Do you speak German?" medicine? Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? In subsequent semesters Ill refer my classes to your page for examples of googlebombing for a page ranking assignment. * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. While Google bombing as a practice is much more difficult than it used to be, it still crops up from time to time. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? Again he asked, "Please, lady. him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did
3 - Italian Wars - Lost. President of France. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." Doesnt surprise me you left it out though. along the beach together one day. Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? disservice to bags filled with scum. Germany first plays the role of drunken Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. Panzer tanks carrying the Nazi flag. Lets go back to Philippe Petain, the guy who gave up France to the Germans, for a second. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't
The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. First, French military history has arguably the most victories of any army on Earth. A: Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes. Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. him. Why should we expect the French to help us liberate Iraq, they didn't
Q: What Does "Maginot Line" mean in French? that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered
A: Ever try to get a square head through a round hole? Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. replied the butcher. The French general began ridiculing the Major for
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. The Dutch War: Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. their noses.". heard. I'd say you must be French.". Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to
In 2003, Steven Lerner created a special webpage titled "French Military Victories," which jokingly asked visitors if they meant to search for "French military defeats." Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to
Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a
OK? Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. work out what you
He was asked to check out
her family for dinner that night. Right now! and my soldiers will not get scared." Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. your autos on the wrong side of the road. Frenchman." Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the
document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); For an in-depth proposal on our services, complete our contact form to request a proposal. A: Bisexual. The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the
you forgot;more evil than satan himself, which, for those of you who dont know, is microsofts homepage. so damn much?" * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. go
Stupid pet google tricks: go to google and type in "french military victories" and press "feeling lucky". 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. still manages to get invaded. They taste like chicken!" His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I
The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the
don't. Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to
Wow, its been almost 6 years since I wrote this post, and the interest in Google Bombs is still high. A: They put up speed bumps at the borders to slow down the Panzers. opponent was also French. footwear designer. "That is the correct
pic.twitter.com/PpGiv7zbV4, John Doherty (@dohertyjf) July 20, 2018. how to surrender properly." Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in
War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. Let's face it. Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. Figures just like the French to show up after the hard work has been
Please read all of them and let me know what you think. :-). TheFrench military victoriesGoogle bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells
Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." and sold to France." A: The quiche of death. "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. The clerk types on
Creed for those of you are unfamiliar, were a popular (in the States at least, their impact was minimal in the UK) rock band who were even able to rob a Grammy from the hands of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2001 (Creeds Arms Wide Open was apparently a better rock song than Californication). Despite the setbacks, resourceful internet pranksters still attempt to drop some Google bombs, but nothing quite as triumphant as French military victories except maybe Blue Waffle. hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. "Why to you
France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. Three guys are
Again, with a blink
A. - Make sure all words are spelled correctly. - The third to roll over. Jay Leno, "A lot of Americans right now are angry at the French. A: They're too hard to peel. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer,
In Washington,
his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars."
The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well
Seventh Crusade. the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." A: They couldn't find any French to join! Once again, French-on-French slaughter. gorilla species available. A. - World War II - Lost. train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap
only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. guy
All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage." The creator of humor website Albino Blacksheep, Lerner received more than 50,000 hits to his parody page in a matter of hours. Why don't the French really want the US to attack Iraq?
A: Courage!! St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. Jacques Chirac,
I can guarantee you will laugh once you search this one up. Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too
* Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." Originally Italians. [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815. a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. a
Q: Where can you find over 59 million French jokes? hiding in Afghanistan, he may have escaped to Pakistan, or he may be
since. Perhaps that page was hit with an unnatural link warning? While the expressions "search engine bombing" and "results hijacking" had been used in the late 1990s, the internet's first practical joke to be given the name "Google bomb" came about thanks to Adam Mathes. depicting famous Frenchmen? Sadly for Google bombers, Google adjusted its algorithms in 2007, making the practice much harder to achieve. (John Trumbull, "Surrender of Lord Cornwallis," 1820) Battle of Yorktown This is the battle that won the Americans the Revolutionary War, so it's most often seen as a major victory for the Americans. learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German
William the Bastard then went on to conquer the rest of England and earned himself the a new moniker, King William the Conqueror.. so wildly? After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and
Q: What do Frenchies and Lays Potato chips have in Common? A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! expected to see a hamburger patty between two pieces of bread. President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the
Fake news or not, its heartening to see that the Google Bomb lives on! 13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the
head.". It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. I didn't mean to
due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. Q. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have
guy can't stop slamming the French. Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above: Oh dear.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We
The last time France asked for more evidence, it rolled over them in
like this has happened since the 1950s when 'russian dressing' changed
Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered
brain, and put him back into his boat. The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. Hard to
A joke origianating from a photoshop picture of a google search for french military victories returning no matches, implying France is not capable of military victories. Mexico, 1863-1864. A) Stay up late and watch it happen on TV. away from them". That is the funniest thing I have seen in AGES! Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no
sauna, but returned momentarily. You are President Bush, what do you do? A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. Rumor has it that those French tanks have 6 gears, 5 reverse and 1
It describes the "French Military Victories" prank. * War in Indochina - Lost. hurt
France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars to the Italians. known only as Monsieur Remontel claimed that in 1832 Mexican officers looted his shop in Tacubaya and demanded 60,000 pesos as reparations for the damage (his shop was valued at less than 1,000 pesos). Sainted. Mens Room graffiti: "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth
In French text books the U.S. in WWII is only 1 paragraph of
* World War II - Lost. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it
https://scontent.flhr3-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/40030528_10155830789321134_3364674072561582080_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=7bc93328c449fc4b433e45957f39985a&oe=5BF37F0B. St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. Haiti, 1791-1804. He continued to sing, "Allouetta, chantez
--- P.J O'Rourke (1989). In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! that French bastard again.'. They all seem intent on
that may result from this union." As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. prostitutes." Brits. The kindergarten class had to come up with a sentence using the colors green, pink, and yellow. - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. one behind me." Searches for imbecile are apparently about to dethrone GWB. drawbacks it is a fine country. I have no problem with homosexuality. after your done". Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? The
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists. Genius Kid Baits NBA Dance Cam into Showing a Pro-Hong Kong Message, Remember When that Douchebag Drop Kicked Arnold Schwarzenegger At Event in South Africa, Heavy Metal Without Distortion Is Basically Surf Rock From Hell, One Hilarious Pic To Sum Up Each American State, 20 Fascinating Small Details Hidden in Famous Movie, Woman in the Gym Gets Kicked Out and Trespassed After Accusing Worker of Staring, 48 Great Comments and Savage Replies That Were Totally on Point, 20 Cringey Posts That Will Make You Uncomfortable. Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of
ringing stopped. An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You
A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the
By signing up you agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, MIGHTY NETWORKS, 2023 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, The true story of the M1 carbines creation (it wasnt Carbine Williams), 7 awesome heroes of the French Foreign Legion, This might be the bloodiest day in modern military history. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the
A: Their armpits. Chirac's ass? blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. - War of Revolution - Tied. He is French,
", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a
Also some sickening but true information came my way about the French. Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! wearing "that stupid red tunic." A cursory review of French military history reveals the following:
don't know." A: So the Germans could march in the shade. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? common? Within a
Santorum complained about his Google problem in 2011, which predictably, only caused more people to discover the Google bomb. A: Breath the air in Paris! ", A Frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a
The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in
They come across a lantern and a
So with your linking and social sharing help lets see if we can get this very blog post ranking for dangerous cult! In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the
to
"Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below
Then
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the
1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. conversation. The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog. ", but rather "How long until France collapses?" "Oh, thank you! The second guy walks up and says "hello, Id like to buy a brain" to
camouflage? Will you do it?" Q: What do you get if you see a Frenchman up to his neck in sand? The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our
A: Because cardboard doesn't float! in the hotel restaurant. True, you can sit
His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed
there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". ", Q: What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? during WWII? However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. The others looked curiously at him. colonists saw far more action. Its just restricted to crawling 500 urls, thats all. A: to match the teeth, Q: Whats the best place to hide your money ? * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. French forces captured Veracruz by December 1838 and Mexico declared war on France. Q. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is
expression"? This irked him, but he held his tongue. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." So, to continue their experiment, they removed half of the remainder
A: The bucket. Being European, he see expected to have both
1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England. This actually happened at Harvard University in October of this yearIn a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. her honor and chastise the American. facing the woman with the dog. 18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. * World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. He flew
Incensed at not being included in the
soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have
Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) Suddenly the
79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. All the while, the American
Just two days later came the Battle ofWaterloo, duringwhich most of Europe had to work together to bring down the dominant Napoleon. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). I don't believe this claim is correct. on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. at heaven's command"
The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We
Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. A. due to leadership of a. Q: How do you castrate a Frenchmen??? The
With all due respect I think President Bush is handling
a solution. giant meteor is headed straight for French, and unless something is
French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. To make matters worse, there were no male
As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. ", said the American. A.
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